No, this isn’t an announcement—though I hope to share an update about growing our family next week, so stay tuned. Today’s “Real Talk with Real Moms” topic is going from one child to two, and I wanted to weigh in because I have a lot of thoughts I never expected to have.
Over the past year, as Jeff and I have discussed expanding our family, I’ve felt a mix of emotions—some surprising. I imagine many of you might relate. I grew up with siblings in a large family and I know I want Arlo to have siblings too. That desire hasn’t changed, but the realities of adding another child have brought up questions and worries I didn’t foresee. Here are a few I keep coming back to.
Will I be able to meet Arlo’s emotional needs while also caring for a baby?
Arlo needs more attention than average to manage big feelings, strong energy, and frustration. He’s determined, intense, strong-willed and incredibly independent—traits he’s had since the beginning. When I hold other babies, they feel so small and floppy compared to him; I still remember him pushing his arms up in the bassinet at the hospital. He was born a fighter, and those qualities will serve him well later in life.
He’s also learning two languages at once. While bilingualism is a gift, it seems to have affected his speech timeline. When he spends time only hearing English, his vocabulary grows quickly, which shows how much the mixed-language environment influences him. That gap has led to frustration because he knows what he wants but can’t always express it. We value him learning Spanish young, and our pediatrician has been monitoring his progress and discussing whether a speech evaluation is needed.
Because of all this, I feel sad thinking I won’t always be able to give him my full attention in the same focused way once there’s a baby. That worry has been hard—sometimes soul-crushing—and it’s one reason we didn’t start the next adoption process as early as we first planned.
How will our favorite moments change?
Bedtime is special for us. We have a detailed routine I adore, and the thought of that changing makes me wistful. At the same time, I imagine how meaningful it will be for Arlo to share those moments with a sibling and for us to create new traditions together. It’s strange to feel like you’re mourning something you love while also anticipating future joy.
Can I give a new baby as much dedicated bonding time as we gave Arlo?
We spent about six months as Arlo’s exclusive caregivers after he joined our family. That time was a luxury that helped form a deep bond—especially important in adoption. Looking back, I wish I had taken more time completely off work; we only took around two weeks fully away from work and juggled the rest. Now, with a toddler and our business in a different place, I worry about replicating that space and time for a future child.
Adoption adds uncertainty—you don’t always know when a placement will happen—so you learn to keep life moving while holding a loose backup plan. That reality makes planning extended parental leave more complicated, and it’s an ongoing concern for us.
What if a future sibling’s relationship with their birth parents is different?
Every adoption story is unique. I often think about how a sibling’s background and birth-family relationship could differ from Arlo’s and how that might affect family dynamics later. There could be tension, questions, or jealousy. We hope for openness and a similar kind of relationship, but we know there are no guarantees. Those possibilities are part of the journey and linger in the back of my mind.
What will their sibling relationship be like?
Arlo adores other children, and I’m excited for him to have a built-in playmate. Our nanny sometimes brings her son over and Arlo loses his mind with excitement when he’s here—and cries when he leaves. He even cries when park friends leave after ten minutes. Those big feelings make me excited to see him as a big brother; he already loves to “help” and I can’t wait to watch him take pride in helping a baby sibling.
My own siblings were much older and lived elsewhere, so I didn’t experience growing up closely with brothers and sisters. I’m eager to witness the sibling bond firsthand and see how it shapes our family.
How will I manage two schedules?
This is probably the most common worry: how to juggle two children’s schedules. The idea of coordinating naps, meals, and activities is overwhelming at times. I take comfort in knowing countless families manage this beautifully every day. We plan to get Arlo settled in school before bringing another child home so that a bit of routine might ease the transition, but the day-to-day logistics still feel daunting.
I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts about going from one child to two—did you feel any of the same things I’m feeling?
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