One of the most talked-about topics in our home lately is how far apart we’d ideally like our children to be. I was asked about this during an Instagram Q&A a couple of weeks ago, and since the question had already been on my mind, I thought it would be fun to open the conversation here too.
My family background is a bit unusual. I have four half-siblings who are all 10–20 years older than me. That wide age gap meant we never experienced the typical sibling rivalries and constant bickering you often hear about. By contrast, Jeff grew up two years older than his sister, which feels like the “standard” spacing many people mention when asked what they prefer.
As we consider starting the adoption process again, we have to accept that a new child could join our family tomorrow, or it could be a year or more from now. That uncertainty factors heavily into how comfortable we feel with different spacing scenarios. I quickly got baby fever again as Arlo neared his first birthday, but I also treasure the one-on-one time with him. He still seems so small to me. At the same time, I’ve heard from many parents who spaced their children closely: while the early months are very challenging, in the long run siblings close in age often become best friends, share interests, and move through similar developmental stages together.
Other friends and relatives who spaced their children about four or more years apart point out real advantages too. Older siblings can be helpful with a baby, and having that age gap can mean different rhythms in parenting, more individual attention during each child’s early years, and a slightly less chaotic household during transitions.
We can’t predict exactly when our kids will arrive or how far apart they’ll be, and that uncertainty is something I think about a lot. I’d love to know: how close in age are your children, or how close were you and your siblings growing up? Did you enjoy that age difference, or would you have preferred something different? What were the benefits and the challenges? I’d love to hear your experiences and perspectives below.
No matter the timing, I’m incredibly excited for Arlo to become a big brother someday. I can’t wait to watch him grow into that role.